There’s a scene, about midway through food writer詹姆斯·奥斯兰（James Oseland）的新回忆录，其中书名背后的含义是“Jimmy Neurosis,” comes clear.
Jim is 15 years old at the time — it’s the late ’70s — and he’s furious. His favorite teacher, the one bright spot in his stifling San Carlos existence, had invited him and his mother over for dinner and used the occasion to call him out for what he is: a smart kid who mistakes his “solipsism for reality.”
“I find that bright young people often believe that they know how the world works,” she’d told him. “When in事实……他们完全无知。”
现在，回到家，他开始在浴室吸烟，将其呼吸回风扇通风口。他起身看着镜子。吉姆瘦，苍白，“如此正常”。他捡起剃刀，然后将其运到一个眉毛上，然后再将其运到另一个眉毛上。他写道：“我的眼睛现在是赤裸裸的，蓬松的皮肤，略微刮擦和血腥。”“我喜欢它。”
那时他也决定更改他的名字。“詹姆斯·奥斯兰（James Oseland）” isn’t gonna be anybody great. No. He’ll be Jimmy Neurosis — Jimmy Neurosis could be “witty and urbane,” he could move to New York City and live in a loft with an “artist boyfriend.”
Forty years later, Jim goes by James and his eyebrows have grown back. On a recent trip to San Francisco — he lives in Mexico City now — Oseland sipped on a Corona in the loft of the Twin Peaks bar in the Castro neighborhood. Talking about “Jimmy Neurosis” (Ecco; $27.99)had him both nervous and excited.The memoir, out Tuesday, Feb. 5, is a departure for Oseland.
Though he’s an accomplished writer (National Magazine and James Beard awards) who has worked as the editor in chief ofSaveur杂志，并担任Bravo的法官“顶级厨师大师”奥斯兰（Oseland）说，写这本书是不同的，称其为“我有史以来最艰难，最长的创意努力。”
And it’s easy to see why. “Jimmy Neurosis” is about growing up gay during the ’70s punk revolution. But it’s a much more vulnerable and honest exploration of self. It’s a book about a kid who grinds his teeth when he’s nervous, a kid who, in the process of coming out, is trying on personas like clothes in a department store dressing room, a kid who is starting to realize that the people who he thinks know everything don’t really know much at all — not even, he learns eventually, himself.
奥斯兰（Oseland）说，这本书的“隆隆声”始于15年前。大约10年前，这个故事在他的脑海中融合在一起，尽管他花了两个时间“让他勇于写出提议”。回忆录涵盖了1977年7月至1980年12月之间的三年。跨度与形成性一样痛苦。他说：“那些年的记忆使我感到困扰，并对那些年的记忆感到困惑。”“他们不一定对我有清晰的意义。”
Writing about that period, Oseland says, “helped me sort through the time and make better sense of it.” He’d walk the streets of San Francisco and San Carlos, summoning memories and trying to draw from them the lessons and narratives that maybe he’d only understand in retrospect.
回忆录始于吉姆和他的母亲父亲走出去后搬到圣卡洛斯，这是他只有现在就达成协议的“巨大的财务脆弱性”时代。吉姆（Jim）晚上开始乘火车去旧金山，看前卫电影，例如“ Fellini Satyricon”。当他发现朋克摇滚现场，辞职并探索他的性行为时，旅行频率很高。
他遇到了像Blackie O，Annie A Go，Lawless和Reggie Veggie这样的名字的人。当他们乘坐公共汽车时，一个朋友第一次将深色化妆涂在他的眼睛上。他染了头发鲜橙色。他开始拍照并写诗歌。他爱上了这座城市。“旧金山是世界上唯一一个可以做到这一点的城市，没关系，”一个男人在他们在金门公园（Golden Gate Park）迷上后告诉他。
奥斯兰仍然在旧金山惊叹不已。他很高兴指出他在这里度过的几年中记得的城市中的地方 -咖啡厅, Orphan Andy’s,双峰，硬件商店。“直到我呼吸北加州空气，我才感到完全。”
“吉米神经症”加入了一长串，其中包含有关巡航和毒品和深夜聚会的故事。奥斯兰（Oseland）开放并坦率地说明了这一切。“我走进了这一点，不要拉力，而是要努力。”
The reader won’t always like Jim. At times, he can be selfish and cruel (especially to his mother). This is by design. Oseland doesn’t tell the story as a “56-year-old looking back, which would have been a very different kind of book.” But he also helps you see that the stories spring from deeply felt unease.
And the book is very muchJim’s故事。尽管有提到哈维·米尔（Harvey Milk）和乔治·莫斯汀（George Moscone）的暗杀白夜暴动that broke out in response to the verdict in Dan White’s trial, they’re relegated to the periphery. Mostly, these events enter the story because they shape Jim in some meaningful way.
在回忆录快要结束时，吉姆（Jim）带着一个年长的男人搬到纽约市，直到几个月后返回家中，他被骚乱席卷而来，昏昏欲睡。在他的日记中写作时，他为旧金山艺术学院找到了一本小册子，并通过它找到了页面。然后他开始写一封申请信。他写道，感觉自己没有未来，这如何使他充满愤怒。他想象的是邀请他和他母亲吃晚饭的老师。突然，她苛刻的话有意义。
“我是17岁。是时候让我的愤怒转变为创造力了。我想成为一名艺术家。”
还有26页，但是如果这本书在那里结束，那么奥斯兰仍然会说他希望在这本回忆录中说的话 - 他描述的回忆录并不那么悲伤，但是像充满希望的那样，描述了“陷入困境的时期，最终被证明是一个突破，一个启示性和非常积极的时刻。”
这是回忆录中的时刻，吉姆（Jim）和奥斯兰（Oseland）都到达顿悟，几十年来。
Jim came to realize his anger was useful. Oseland came to see three haunting years as essential to the writer he’s become.
Jimmy Neurosis
A Memoir
By James Oseland
(Ecco; 320 pages; $27.99)