Masculinity has failed us.

具体来说,昂首阔步,物化,consumption-obsessed, thrill-seeking, narcissistic brand of American masculinity that’s been presented as a virtue for the past 40 years has failed us. Just look around for proof.

Since the start of the pandemic, the streets in my San Francisco neighborhood have been far less busy, sometimes practically empty. But before I could get used to any newfound peace, it began: the zooming, racing, rubber-burning antics of reckless drivers that have left intersections around my neighborhood scorched with black tire marks from stunt driving. There are times when the screeching tires and revving engines make me feel like I’m living in a “Fast and Furious” sequel, and a lesser one at that.

And each time I’ve witnessed two cars suddenly racing, or caught a sideshow-type event in progress, it has been men doing the driving.

All kinds of men, in all kinds of cars: fancy ones, broken-up beaters, cars with out-of-state license plates, cars new with dealership placards, trucks and sports cars. The drivers are prosperous-looking guys and less well-to-do ones, a veritable bevy of bros behind the wheel. The whole Freudian relationship involving cars, male insecurity and peacocking behavior is so cliche it would make me feel sorry for these guys if they weren’t, you know, disrupting and endangering the lives of those around them.

This type of total lack of consideration for how one’s personal behavior affects your community is the other deadly virus that’s come to a head in 2020.

We see the same lack of concern for others in the decision by many men not to wear masks. When mask recommendations and ordinances began going into effect this year, I noticed a strange phenomenon: a parade of heterosexual couples with the women wearing masks and the men presenting their naked, often smirking faces to the wind. Research during the pandemic has shown that some men view the wearing of masks and following other precautions against the coronavirus as “unmanly,” in spite of CDC recommendations and this thing called science.

No wonder the virus has so far infectedmore men than womenand had killed almost 17,000 more American men than women by mid-October. Even though it’s a behavior that endangers your community as much as yourself, God forbid anyone think you’re “soft.” I guess for some, nothing says hard like walking around in denial. I’m not sure when the male ego got so closely tied to this kind of sociopathic risk-taking, but it’s literally killing people.

America’s masculinity issuecrystallizedthe most clearly for me a few weeks ago, when a number of men on Twitter posted reactions to a photograph of Joe Biden embracing his son, Hunter. In the picture, Hunter Biden faces the camera while his father wraps his arms around him, kissing Hunter on the forehead. These tweets, questioning whether the picture showed “appropriate” father-son behavior, were some of the saddest I’ve read this year, and in 2020, that’s saying something.

Does this look like an appropriate father/son interaction to you?pic.twitter.com/XDMIsgjUKI

— John Cardillo (@johncardillo)October 22, 2020

I can’t tell you how much I wish I could throw my arms around my father right now, something I haven’t been able to do since the start of the pandemic. And I can’t imagine the level of insecurity or alienation someone must feel to mock a father and son showing affection for each other. Joe and Hunter Biden’s relationship has been filled with loss: First the loss of Neilia and Naomi Biden in a car crash in 1972 and later the death of Beau Biden in 2015 from brain cancer. After enduring all that, can you blame them for holding onto each other?

The 2020 presidential election feels like a referendum on this kind of masculinity. On one side you have the messaging of the Trump campaign, which is all about chest-puffing displays of might, mocking vulnerability as weakness and a stubborn refusal to change course even after being presented with life-threatening consequences. Most disturbing is that these qualities have been presented as strengths.

On the other side you have Joe Biden, a candidate who has made demonstrating empathy and caution in the face of the virus a focus of his campaign. The fact that these values are seen by some as strikes against masculinity is a deeply troubling commentary on the state of manhood in America.

No matter which man wins the election this year, we have to make a change. Toxic masculine behavior and all its hangups aren’t just perpetuated by men, and they aren’t affecting just men. The news gives us more proof of that every day, with headlines about climbing COVID-19 death rates and people lashing out at pandemic restrictions and each other under the mistaken belief that it makes them more manly.

We can’t afford to ignore either of these pandemics harming our country, especially when one so cruelly enables the other.