The Three Stooges of the U.S. — one Republican, one Democrat, one without a clue

Mick LaSalle says the Three Stooges, Moe Howard (left), Curly Howard and Larry Fine, are comparable to the American electorate.Photo: Columbia Pictures / Getty Images

Dear Mick:Long reach (to compare theThree Stooges to the American electorate), but a good try. Try “The Little Rascals” next.

Mike Reed, Danville

Dear Mike:To paraphrase Eddie Cochran, I’d like to help you, son, but they’re too young to vote. I can’t imagine the Little Rascals representing the American electorate. It’s only when comedy teams are of voting age that you can sometimes get a vibe: Martin and Lewis, Republicans. The Marx Brothers, Democrats. Abbott and Costello — possible split votes there. But nobody works out quite so perfectly as the Three Stooges: Moe (Republican), Larry (Democrat), Curly (no clue).

With regard to Curly, next time we have a presidential debate, check out the focus groups shown afterward on cable TV. Invariably, it’s a room full of Curlys pretending they’ve been paying attention. One of these days, somebody like Frank Luntz is going to ask one of them a question, and the answer’s going to be, “Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.”

Zeppo, Harpo, Chico and Groucho Marx in 1933.Photo: Associated Press / Associated Press 1933

Dear Mick LaSalle:Just read your article titled “The U.S. is a Three Stooges nation.” You’re a freaking genius!

Bob Kirzl, Greenlawn, Long Island

Dear Bob Kirzl:You’ll be interested to know that when I received your email, the preview bar said, “Just read your article titled ‘The U.S. is a Three Stooges Nation.’ You’re a f …” That’s it. In that moment, I could have lost a lot of money guessing what the next two words would be. If I were in a casino when I got your email, I would have pushed all the chips to the middle of the table and bet on another f-word in place of “freaking,” followed by a highly popular seven-letter word that can mean anything from a harsh, unpleasant person to an idiot to a body part. So thanks for a happy and atypical reading experience.

Dear Mick:Very insightful about the Larrys as well as the Moes. I’m concerned about how the Moes will organize to take you down.

Greg Smith, San Geronimo

Dear Greg:The Moes don’t worry about unimportant things like columns. They worry about taking over state legislatures. That’s why, in terms of doing my job from day to day, I never worry about them, but I worry all the time about the Larrys. The Larrys eat their own. The Larrys are deeply committed to free speech, so much so that they use it to cancel and silence anyone who disagrees with them, even slightly.

The Larrys are too scared to confront the Moes, too pure to interact with non-Larrys and too deluded to face reality. And so, just to assure themselves that they’re not dead, they go after each other. They’re proud iconoclasts who, by a wild coincidence, are iconoclastic in exactly the same way. It’s beyond astounding that the Moes are even worse.

Liam Neeson in “Memory.”照片:Rico托雷斯/黑熊的照片

Hello, Mick:Being 65, I read your column (aboutolder moviegoers avoiding multiplexes) with much interest. The main reason I won’t go to a multiplex is they do not show indie films, which are the ones my wife and I want to see. Also, the last couple of times we went to a multiplex, pre-COVID, a lot of people were talking constantly. I don’t go to the movies to get pissed at idiots.

Rocky Fort, San Lorenzo

Hello, Rocky:I know. Even before COVID, going to the multiplex on a Friday or Saturday night was a fairly unbearable experience, and now, adding in the health risk, why bother? If I weren’t a film critic, I would still go to repertory houses, but I’d never again set foot in a multiplexever.And by never, I meannever, like even if Norma Shearer came back from the dead and made a pre-Code movie withLiam Neesonand Jennifer Aniston,inFrench. I can wait 45 days for streaming.

Have a question? Ask Mick LaSalle atmlasalle@sfchronicle.com. Include your name and city for publication, and a phone number for verification. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.

  • Mick LaSalle
    Mick LaSalleMick LaSalle is The San Francisco Chronicle's film critic. Email: mlasalle@sfchronicle.com Twitter: @MickLaSalle