How offstage tragedies made ‘Rent’ seem even more real

The original “Rent” cast member shares how grief and perseverance shaped his life and career in solo show at San Francisco’s Curran Theater.

Actor Anthony Rapp performs his one-man show, “Without You.”

Photo: Russ Rowland

Some 19 years before the phenomenon of “Hamilton,” there was “Rent.”

Back in 1996, the baby-faced cast of the future Tony- and Pulitzer Prize-winning Broadway musical found themselves in the middle of a cultural explosion. Fans known as Rent-heads camped out for hours to score a $20 rush ticket, a younger, hipper demographic that planted its flag on Broadway.

Actor Anthony Rapp originated the role of struggling documentarian Mark Cohen in the rock musical based on Giacomo Puccini’s opera “La Boheme” that premiered with both anticipation and devastation. On the morning of the first off-Broadway preview of “Rent,” the show’s 35-year-old creator, Jonathan Larson, died suddenly from aortic dissection. At the same time, Rapp’s mother, Mary, was battling cancer. She died a year later at 55.

Those transcendent moments were captured in Rapp’s 2006 bestselling memoir “Without You” and have now manifested as a one-man musical, settling in for a five-show run starting Thursday, Oct. 19, at the Curran Theater presented by BroadwaySF. The show, which opened in January in New York, is Rapp’s nightly opportunity to share both exhilarating and crushing memories centered around those two profound losses.

In advance of his San Francisco performances, the stage and screen actor spoke with the Chronicle by phone from his home in New York to discuss the early days of “Rent,” performing that first preview without Larson, and what it means to bond with his heartfelt memories on a nightly basis.

Actor Anthony Rapp performs his one-man show, “Without You.”

Photo: Russ Rowland

This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

More Information

“Without You”:Written, performed and composed by Anthony Rapp. Directed by Steven Maler. 7:30 p.m. Thursday-Saturday, Oct. 19-21; 1 p.m. Saturday-Sunday, Oct. 21-22. $49-$160. Curran Theater, 445 Geary St., S.F. 415-358-1220.www.sfcurran.com

Q: Yours is a story of a young person losing a parent. That seems to juxtapose with the world of “Rent,” which is about young people losing aspects of their life and in some cases, their actual lives, to AIDS. How much did “Rent” play a part in your personal story?

A:这影响力非常大,一个saving grace for me in so many ways. First, to lose Jonathan, and then have the show be a conduit for our collective grief as his friend and collaborator was fitting. When we were doing the show after he died, it was like, “Yes, this show perfectly talks about what it’s like to live and lose people every day.” And it’s possible to keep living and grieving fully. Both things can happen; they don’t cancel each other out.

Q: I’m assuming there are days when events feel like they happened a long time ago and other days where they seem more recent. How do you move forward on days where the grief feels more present?

A:我觉得我的整个系统已经习惯了the presence and recurrence of grief.

I give it space, and because of that, it doesn’t overwhelm me the way it did back in the day. I can sort of recognize the flavor and general feel of it and go from there. It doesn’t feel as mysterious or overwhelming anymore.

Q: Did you and your castmates have a strong idea of how huge “Rent” was exploding outside the theater, in the same way that “Hamilton” became its own phenomenon?

A:At the risk of hyperbole, I feel like we were pretty aware, honestly. Part of the experience that differed with “Hamilton” is that (creator)Lin-Manuel Mirandawas doing the show with his cast, but our friend who wrote the show died, and we were there to carry on his legacy. So it was like a mission for us to make it a success. Those degrees of success felt like we were fulfilling our mission, and we took that seriously every single day.

We opened in January of 1996, and from January until the middle of July, no one missed a performance, eight shows a week. For a show like “Rent,” or any Broadway show for that matter, to not have anyone miss a performance never happens, believe me. I think that’s an example of how committed we were and how important it was to show up every day. We knew Jonathan believed the show was going to change the landscape, and we were fully on board with that mission.

Actor Anthony Rapp performs his one-man show, “Without You.”

Photo: Russ Rowland

Q: A really inspiring moment in “Without You” is when you talk about the cast performing that first show the same day everyone learned Jonathan died. Looking back, with his family in the audience, do you marvel at how you and your castmates made it through that night?

A:I really do. It’s the old cliche of “the show must go on,” but it felt like much more than that. It was like we had to do it, because that was the mission and we had to go there fully, as directed. In my mind, when you’re performing material like “Rent,” you can’t glance away from its power, and if you do, you’re doing a great disservice. So yes, I do marvel at that, in retrospect.

Q: How long after those losses did it feel like they were a subject you wanted to explore as a writer, and then as a performer and artist?

A:I never imagined this would be a performance. My mom died in ’97, so I started my first draft of the memoir in ’98, and didn’t have the first draft completed until 2005. As I started to engage with it more, I realized the whole experience was about two losses joined together in many ways.

Q: You’ve been through difficulties in your life, and unfortunately, some of those events have been in full view of the public. How do you block out the noise, especially nowadays, when there is so much toxicity online, and just focus on the most important aspects of being present?

A:I don’t know if I’m always totally successful at blocking things out. I guess I just try to connect to my values and the values of those around me and my inner circle, my family.

For better or worse, I’ve always felt it was important to be public about things, and looking back, I had some mentors who used their platforms for good change. I’ve been incredibly inspired by that, so I tried to always do that as well. It’s not easy, but I can’t imagine any other way for myself.

Actor Anthony Rapp performing his one-man show, “Without You.”

Photo: Russ Rowland

Q: What is the greatest joy of doing this show?

A:I get to spend quality time with people I love, even though they’re not literally there, but I’m really with them. I’m with my mom, having conversations with her, even through the sad and painful moments. That’s really the greatest joy.

Q: What are some challenges you would still like to take on in your professional and personal life?

A:I’ve directed a little bit over the years, and that’s something I would like to continue doing. I’m hoping to get more directing opportunities in film and television.

On the personal side, being a father (Rapp and partner Ken Iphithol welcomed their son Rai in December 2022). We started our surrogacy journey a few years ago, and it’s an incredible new chapter in my life considering fatherhood is something I thought passed me by. So I am fully engaged in trying to be the best father I could be.

David John Chávez is a freelance writer.

Correction: An earlier version of this story misidentified Anthony Rapp's son. His name is Rai.

  • David John Chávez